Toenail TMI ... don't judge me

I wear fake toenails. There, I said it. Now before you dismiss this as gross and utterly ridiculous, please hear me out. I have a very valid reason for wearing prosthetic toenails.

Two years ago I developed a love for running. Did it every day until my legs could run no more. Unfortunately, I also had this insane desire to make my size-9 feet look smaller than they are, so I stuffed them into an 8.5 sneaker. Bad idea. Within months, Mr. Big Toe on right foot turned black and blue, fell off, and never quite grew back the same. This is fine and dandy in the winter months, but come summertime I want my toenails to be evenly aligned just like everyone else’s.

Enter falsies. I know at some point or another you’ve browsed the nailcare aisle at the drugstore, passed the fake French toenails, and wondered, “Who on EARTH would wear fake French toenails?” ME. I would. I kind of like the fact they're French, because the light color allows me to easily paint over in any color of my choice (brights, darks, you name it). I’m fairly certain I’m the only one keeping this product in business and I fear they’ll be discontinued in the near future.

So, there you have my most embarrassing beauty confession. What’s yours?

P.S.: I once knew a guy who requested self-tanner poured into unmarked bottles so his friends wouldn’t give him crap for getting his tan in a can. I think that beats fake toenails.